Letting go is not my strong suit. I am sentimental. I am spaghetti. Everything relates back to each other. Once the milk is in the coffee, it can’t be separated and they have everything to do with each other. This year I have been stuck, mentally, in 1 Corinthians 13. Love. What is it? Why is it? How? When? Who has it? How can I have more of it? The questions are endless, especially for twenty year old women. I notice that my friends and I light up when the word marriage is said or someone talks about boys or new relationships. In the Christian bubble, I am in an old relationship. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and people ask me all the time when we are getting married. I just respond with I wanna live my life first and he wants to live his and then we can talk more about that. This goes to show that love is the most desired and fleeting thing. We worship love. But we are not worshipping the right kind of love. We worship love that is fleeting. God’s love is the essence of everything said in 1 Corinthians 13 and the whole Bible. He is kind. He is patient. He is not envious, yet he is jealous of your time spent away from Him. He is not boastful in His ability to love you. He is not arrogant. He is not rude. He does not insist on His own way, but rather lets you choose for yourself. He is not irritable or resentful towards you when you sin against Him. Yet, He does not rejoice in your wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth of who you are. He bears all things that you go through, the good and the bad. He believes all things. He hopes all things good for you. He endures this life with you for your eternity. This love is Him and He does not have the capacity to end, like earthly spiritual gifts do. For now we can only understand simply His love; but, one day we will understand fully and be amazed by it. This is my paraphrase. I have learned this passage my whole life. I know it backwards and forwards, the same way a little one knows its my mom’s voice in a crowded room when it is time to leave a party. However, I tried to practice these this year and was left so discouraged because it is so hard to do these everyday. I am learning that my discipline is left empty when my heart is in the wrong place. As I learn to love, I must learn to forgive. Forgiveness allows the milk to be poured in the coffee and have it mix up and that new product is not worse off but stronger and better. Forgiveness leaves behind one’s own self interest to better the relationship and relieve each party of their resentment or hurt. In forgiveness and letting go, I am learning that my disciplines for Christ are given meaning and empowerment to live in freedom. This morning my prayer is simple:
Right my heart so that my discipline to you won’t be in vain.
In other words: God, rid me of myself and give me your eyes to view the situations that are harder for me to forgive in. I hope this encouraged you and gave a new perspective on how to handle 1 Corinthians 13. What a beautiful passage of perfect surrender.
One thought on “Coffee with Milk”
Beautiful, Emma! And that you’re 20 makes me feel ancient! How lovely to read this prose, and what a lovely woman you have become, and are ever becoming! xo